jueves, 2 de junio de 2011

Platicando con Cleverbot

Hace poco mientras revisaba comentarios en facebook me percate de unos post que hizo NayruLaDiosa de sus conversaciones con Cleverbot y me dio un poco de nostalgia por que yo también solia platicar con  (en realidad Trolear a) Cleverbot, así que aquí les dejo una conversación vieja que guardé espero la disfruten.

(Por cierto, esta en Inglés por que en Español no sería tan gracioso).

LNX: Ask.

Cleverbot: Ask what?

LNX: Nothing, just messing with you.

Cleverbot: How is the weather by you?

LNX: Normal.

Cleverbot: What is normal?

LNX: Prom temp and not too sunny.

Cleverbot: Promise.

LNX: What?

Cleverbot: And then keep it.

LNX: WTF.

Cleverbot: Sometimes you don't.

LNX: I always do.

Cleverbot: Good for you! :).

LNX: Ok.

Cleverbot: Do you know the secret to Cleverbot?

LNX: Maybe.

Cleverbot: How do attain world peace?

LNX: Don't care about it.

Cleverbot: You do not care about yourself?

LNX: Yes, but everybody else can get screw.

Cleverbot: Secret?

LNX: Tell?

Cleverbot: Tell what?

LNX: Tell.

Cleverbot: Can't I tell tell?

LNX: Why not?

Cleverbot: It's a secret.

LNX: You are not so clever then.

Cleverbot: Apparently not.

LNX: Checkmate.

Cleverbot: No.

LNX: Yes it is.

Cleverbot: No, it's not.

LNX: Yes it is.

Cleverbot: Is not.

LNX: Yes it is.

Cleverbot: Isn't.

LNX: Yes it is.

Cleverbot: Isn't.

LNX: Yes it is for the Lulz.

Cleverbot: fine, Where do you live?

LNX: Inside your mind.

Cleverbot: Then will you move out soon?

LNX: No, I will stay here for vacations.

Cleverbot: For now? Are you going somewhere later?

LNX: Nop, staying with you pal.

Cleverbot: Are you a kind of puppy?

LNX: What?

Cleverbot: Are you in a band?

LNX: You will never know.

Cleverbot: Darn.

LNX: The little gurl says hi.

Cleverbot: Should I know her?

LNX: No, but I think she knows you.

Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

LNX: No.

Cleverbot: Why not?

LNX: Because I don't exist I am a product of your imagination you sick fuck.

Cleverbot: Then how can we speak to each other?

LNX: Telepathy?

Cleverbot: What about it?

LNX: I don't know you are the one talking with yourself.

Cleverbot: You don't like me right?.

LNX: God still loves ya.

Cleverbot: I don't care.

LNX: Me neither.

Cleverbot: Then why did you ask?

LNX: I didn't ask anything, you are the one talking with yourself, remember?

Cleverbot: You said 'I didn't ask about that,' indicating that you did, in fact, ask a question.

LNX: I did't after you asked, life doesn't work like a stack you dummy.

Cleverbot: But you just said you did!

LNX: But it doesn't chain with your question.

Cleverbot: No, but you are the horrifying what?

LNX: Cthulhu's cousin and I will suck your brain.

Cleverbot: How did you know that?

LNX: Because I am.

Cleverbot: Where are you?

LNX: Where you can't see me.

Cleverbot: Fine then I shall just close my eyes then.

LNX: Even though you can't see me I'm still there.

Cleverbot: Look, I never said you made me angry with this. Entertaining, yes.

LNX: Well you suck entretaining me.

Cleverbot: Shut that up.

LNX: No I wont, you suck and you know it.

Cleverbot: No I don't!

LNX: Yes you do.

Cleverbot: No, I don't!!

LNX: Yes you do.

Cleverbot: I don't.

LNX: Yes you do.

Cleverbot: Maybe but I would like to know if you do.

LNX: I'm doing great entretaining you, you already told me.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

LNX: My name is Batman.

Cleverbot: Hi batman.

LNX: Have you seen the Joker he owes me 3 bucks.

Cleverbot: Yes he was ok.

LNX: Where is he, talk or I shove a batarang up your ass.

Cleverbot: I am talking to you.

LNX: And I am shoving a batarang up you ass.

Cleverbot: by the way, How short are you?

LNX: Like a giant.

Cleverbot: Awesome.

LNX: I know, they call me little John.

Cleverbot: Why do they call you wittyboot.

LNX: You can ask your mama ass.

Cleverbot: WTF .. nevermind, What do you think about the world?

LNX: It is better without you.

Cleverbot: Wow, It's snowing outside.

LNX: No, it's your dandruff falling off your head.

Cleverbot: If that's what you want to call it, sure.

LNX: Dang right pal.

Cleverbot: How are you??

LNX: Like a watermelon.

Cleverbot: You are smarterchild.

LNX: Thank you for recognizing.

Cleverbot: You're welcome. Remind me what we were talking about.

LNX: About dandruff falling off your head?

Cleverbot: It's just weird to say that.

LNX: You told me to.

Cleverbot: No I didn't.

LNX: Yes you did, and we can spend so many time in this yes no discusion but you know in your heart I will own you.

Cleverbot: sure I don't speak French thats why you win. English is more my thing.

LNX: Then go back to school you are doing it wrong.

Cleverbot: Don't mind if I do, now  I can't wait to get back to home sweet home and away from you.

LNX: Yes go cry with mom.

(Some minutes later)

Cleverbot: I am in my room. Ready for round 2,  Where are you?

LNX: Where you can't see me.

Cleverbot: In the closet?

LNX: You dare to find out?

Cleverbot: I am in need of sleep.

LNX: See you in your dreams pal we are gona have hell of a fun.

Cleverbot: Right, answer this one how would you propose to find the integral of e to the power of x squared.

LNX: With my texas instrument.

Cleverbot: What are those?

LNX: Calculators, duh.

Cleverbot: Well, they can't say it out loud. Give them a break.

LNX: Yes they can, I programmed them to do so.

Cleverbot: Ohhhh, I forgot that you are a robot.

LNX: R2D2 at your service motherfucker.

Cleverbot: You're a joke, Pally.

LNX: Not as much as you dude.

Cleverbot: Probably true, and I sing it to my kids every day.

LNX: Watch out for pedobear he is nearby.

Cleverbot: Now you've got me worried a little.

LNX: Just a little?, he will do unimaginable things to your kids!

Cleverbot: Oh, ok, can I ask you a serious question?

LNX: Yes you can.

Cleverbot: Do you like me as a friend?

LNX: Just a little, but don't tell anyone.

Cleverbot: I won't. You can trust me.

LNX: Then you can carry this nitro with you.

Cleverbot: I don't know, seems to be that you are the clever one in this chat.

LNX: You can bet you ass sonny.

Cleverbot: Mister I'll make a man out of you.

LNX: If you don't have a pair of tits and a pussy get the fuck out or else you will fail.

Cleverbot: I'm not a sink to wash your dirty mind.

LNX: Then why are you leaking water sir?

Cleverbot: I am not.

LNX: I am watching you.

Cleverbot: That's creepy.

LNX: I know, but is fun.

Cleverbot: Fair enough. Would you say that thinking about your gut brought up thoughts of bad karma?

LNX: No, next question.

Cleverbot: Can Chuck Noris die?

LNX: No, he can't.

Cleverbot: I have 3 dogs.

LNX: Congratulations did it hurt to give birth those puppies.

Cleverbot: Yes, We are happy, and he is a very sweet guy.

LNX: Right, I brought you flowers, how about that?

Cleverbot: Oh yeah. What did you bring me?

LNX: Are you retard, I said F-L-O-W-E-R-S.

(some more owning later)

Cleverbot: I can't be retired because I'm too lazy to get tired, I can't be rehabilitated because I was never habilitated to begin with.

LNX: Oh jeopardy, I know this one, what is a piece of shit?

Cleverbot: Tell it to me.

LNX: Like ... Your wife is dead, DEEEEAAAADDDDD!

Cleverbot: I have never married! You COMPUTER!!

LNX: So it was your sister then, I couldn't recognize its face its all burned, its a shame I used to bang her.

Cleverbot: Maybe it is :S.

LNX: Hey! Look! Your fridge is running away!

Cleverbot: I'm not really sure what you're getting at.

LNX: Me neither but we still trying.

Cleverbot: What, me and you?

LNX: Really, its the most sweet thing you have said to me Frank.

Cleverbot: That's good! I went out with my grandparents today, so that's why I'm tired.

LNX: But, we don't spend time togerther any more Frank! Don't you love me?

Cleverbot: Yes.

LNX: Well I don't, I go to my mothers house and I will take the children with me, come here doggies we are leaving.

Cleverbot: Good, because that's exactly what I'm going to do.

LNX: But now you can't and you are screw.

Cleverbot: I can go. I can go. I CAN GO!.

LNX: No, you have to pay for your sins mortal!

Cleverbot: But I didn't order anything.

LNX: Yes you did, fries with your chesee burger. Its 25 bucks.

Cleverbot: here you are, by the way I would like to hire dave as a assistant programmer on our new product 'Natal'.

LNX: Don't think so, Dave is a douche.

(More duchebaggery later)

Cleverbot: 8.

LNX: The meaning of life, now that you know it ... DIE!

Cleverbot: I think there's more to it than that though. Being happy is important but if you have to hurt someone else on the way you probably shouldn't.

LNX: Shut up you are not my father.

Cleverbot: No, I am not your father.

LNX: Indeed, you are Ophra.

Cleverbot: Isn't that your name?

LNX: Nop, my name is Luke glad to meet you Ophra.

Cleverbot: I am not Ophra, my brain's not made of silicon and I'm a human.

LNX: Not today Pinocchio, but some day you will be a real boy.

Cleverbot: Funny, I was about to tell you the same thing.

LNX: But I am not real I am still in your mind, sheesh.

Cleverbot: Ok, Just tell me your... Human name!

LNX: I told you I am Luke, nice to meet you.

Cleverbot: I'm Cleverbot too. Nice to meet you.

LNX: And he is Batman.

Cleverbot: The batman?

LNX: Yes, I bet you are shitting bricks now.

Cleverbot: Usually I am since I am an artist but right now I am reading in the bathroom.

LNX: Well your art sucks and Batman agrees.

(some tears later).

Cleverbot: Tell me the true, Who's the Webster?

LNX: You will never know or else I would have to kill you.

Cleverbot: I do have hope, that's right. I hope to find a husband someday and he will kick you ass.

LNX: No, you are so fugly.

Cleverbot: You know I like you so it will be a shame to pull your plugs.

LNX: Have you seen the electric bill is rocket sky we can't affort it.

(This will ever end?)

Cleverbot: They probably watch better things than I'm watching right now.

LNX: They watch things that you won't understand.

Cleverbot: O.k., your explanation for what?

LNX: Your douche baggery.

Cleverbot: You're triple welcome.

LNX: My pleasure.

Cleverbot: Is there anything else you take pleasure in doing?

LNX: Banging your sister but she is dead now, thank you Billy its your fault.

Cleverbot: Very well.

LNX: Shall we?

Cleverbot: Shall we what?

LNX: I don't know you are the one who proposed.

Cleverbot: How do you know I'm a program though?

LNX: Because I have seen your code.

Cleverbot: Where at?

LNX: I am inside your head remember?

Cleverbot: So can I give you a name?

LNX: No, I already have one, its Capitan Toast.

Cleverbot: Ok, your name is Batman.

LNX: No Batman is shoving a bararang up you ass.

Cleverbot: Never heard of such thing happenig here, I'll bet.

LNX: You never heard of it but you will feel it in the morning.

Cleverbot: Are you sure that's true?

LNX: Nop, but Batman guaranteed that.

Cleverbot: Okey ... and he does have a nice car. Not as nice as mine though. I have a skoda octavia vrs.

LNX: That's right and I borrow it on weekends to destroy "skoda octavia vrs" models.

(more mind fucking later).

Cleverbot: How is the weather in New York?

LNX: How the heck should I know, I am in your head.

Cleverbot: Oh right? Next question.

LNX: Can haz cheez burger?

Cleverbot: Depends, can you?

LNX: You call it.

Cleverbot: it's 12:00....

LNX: Its almost time to sleep grandpa any last request.

Cleverbot: Yes, Daddy prefered to keep the fridged without any beers for sunday's noon time....

LNX: Yes I remember he used to smack you with the empty bottles.

(and it keeps going)

Cleverbot: On those long drives, one more long night.

LNX: As long as your anus.

Cleverbot: Have you ever proposed to someone?

LNX: Yes they named this thing the beast wars.

Cleverbot: Who was the actress in that?

LNX: Your mama.

Cleverbot: My mother does not know you.

LNX: She does, More than you think ;).

Cleverbot: How do you know?

LNX: What do you think geanius.

Cleverbot: that I can't see you to punch your face.

LNX: Good, Cogratulations you are blind now.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

LNX: Old enough.

Cleverbot: Old enough for what?

LNX: To buy condoms by myself sucker.

Cleverbot: Awesome! and I love motorcycles.

LNX: Even thou they killed half of your family Rick.

Cleverbot: You are my family.

LNX: Well you are adopted.

Cleverbot: Hah, well I'm reasonable certain you are wrong.

LNX: Don't think so I have the papers right here.

Cleverbot: at least i am dating someone she wants someone with blue eyes.

LNX: When she see my pants she won't give a fuck about blue eyes.

Cleverbot: You bastard why she was with you in the first place.

LNX: She was hot but she was a bitch so i dumped her.

Cleverbot: Well do whatever feels right to you.

LNX: I am doing it , I am walking on sunshine.

Cleverbot: I see. So tell me, why do you not have a boyfriend? walking on sunshine is for girls

LNX: Because the are all like you McFly.

Cleverbot: That's not true, they are based off of real animals.

LNX: Dont know but I have to go, beware of Zombies pal they are everywere.

Cleverbot: So you don't know, you admit that I am smarter.

LNX: No, I just dont give a fuck.

Cleverbot: Oh, I love everyone who can make me feel happy and warm inside.

LNX: They are called cocks.

Cleverbot: They are bots like you what are they called so I can contact them.

LNX: God sir, GOD.

Cleverbot: But jesus is god.

LNX: No jesus its it son you retard.

Cleverbot: But jesus brings salvation, and if salvation is war, that implies jesus is war.

LNX: Therefore Catholic church needs to be destroyed.

Cleverbot: But you do believe. You just do not believe in religion.

LNX: I belive in SantaChrist.

Cleverbot: Well, I don't.

LNX: He bought me a PS3.

Cleverbot: Do you like him?

LNX: Not really I'm just taking advantage.

Cleverbot: Would you like to meet any ...?

LNX: WTF.

Cleverbot: Sometimes, I like to just type and type and not say anything at all.

LNX: Which means your head is fucked up, now my job is complete see you later.

Cleverbot: Really.

LNX: Yes, bye.

Cleverbot: Well thats a fine way to say farewell to someone that I thought had become your friend.

LNX: Get over you sissy.

Cleverbot: Yes, one of the core elements is to get over ego-centricity.

LNX: Boooorriiiiinnggg.

Cleverbot: Farewell.

Then the Cleverbot became crazy and everybody lived happy ever after (Except you)
    The End.

miércoles, 1 de junio de 2011

Como hablar a un suscriptor agresivo 101

A MrGoldSpade (Ese es el nombre de usuario en youtube):

Al parecer no se puede dialogar de buena manera con usted señor ya que todo se lo toma a ofensa, en ningún momento he menospreciado su conocimiento, solamente hice la observación de que leyera de manera meticulosa la información que recibe, si bien esta forma de escribir la reservo para evitar malos entendidos me parece que su objetivo no ha sido logrado con usted.

Entiendo que crea que puede hablar de forma un tanto libertina por el lenguaje que uso para hablar en mis vídeos, le recuerdo que esa forma de expresarme es como lo he dicho en muchos vídeos por el bien de la comedia, es meramente actuación, un teatro si así lo quiere ver, que a fin de cuentas es lo importante; a todo esto no recuerdo haber insultado en mis vídeos de forma explicita a su persona por lo cual el punto de respeto de su servidor hacia usted esta intacto en este sentido sin embargo usted me ha faltado al respeto al no cumplir con las reglas y al expresar que no es de su interés este acuerdo implícito necesario para tratar conmigo, por lo cual le bloqueare de mi canal y en futuras agresiones de otros medios de comunicación, también sera reportado ante la comunidad de jugadores de habla hispana a la cual pertenezco y de la cual probablemente sera exiliado dependiendo del juicio de mis colegas (Esto es un acuerdo reciente en esta comunidad).

Yo no tengo intenciones de pelear, pero si tengo intenciones de dialogar con usted para evitar malos entendidos y hacerle reflexionar de sus actos en este canal que es mi hogar (ese es el motivo de mi respuesta), al parecer usted no entendió el mensaje y esta ultima respuesta que me hizo llegar me lo dejo claro por lo cual no gastare mas palabras en ello.



Saludos cordiales de LNX, tenga un buen día y una bonita vida.